The healing martyr myth (and the root of all evil)
I believe that there are subconscious beliefs that run rampant in the holistic health world and that a choice few of them have become so unquestioned and insidious that they can be upgraded to “epic myth” status.
Being in the lovely position to talk with a lot of practitioners in the field I see a lot of these myths bouncing around out there- things like the more modalities I have on my business card, the busier my practice will be. Or (one of my personal least favorites), to grow your practice you have to do things, and maybe even become someone, that you hate.
But what may the most damaging epic myth bouncing around in our collective heads is the idea that making money is evil. I had a friend (an acupuncturist) call it the healing martyr myth, and I think it’s fitting, so let’s stick with that.
The healing martyr myth says that the desire to make money from your practice debases what you do.
It says that if you truly care about helping your clients, you must have no thoughts or intentions of actually making money in your practice.
It says that to make money in your practice means that your priorities are off.
It says, in short, that we’re engaged in an either/or proposition- that you can’t tend to your own financial needs at the same time that you tend to your clients’ needs.
Um, I call bullshit.
I think that this attitude stems from our fundamentally giving natures. We got into this work to be of assistance, not to see what we could gain from it. To this I say, right on! It’s what makes you a dedicated practitioner of your craft. Nevertheless, if you continue to practice in this form, where there is a one-way exchange of energy, and you’re giving freely without the ability to receive, sooner or later, you’ll crash and burn. All human beings are here to contribute, and all human beings are worthy of receiving in equal measure.
In short, what I’m saying is that we’re engaged in a both/and proposition. If you can’t serve yourself, you can’t serve your clients (if you burn yourself out, or if you need to work five part time jobs to pay the bills on top of your practice, you’re sunk). If you can’t serve your clients, you can’t serve yourself (if you got into this work for the wrong reason- which is rare- your clients will smell the inauthenticity and leave you with a very quiet waiting room). Both parts of the equation need to happen for us and our clients to thrive. Lose either side of that equation, and it doesn’t work.
The reason why the healing martyr myth is our most damaging collective myth is that if you believe, even or especially subconciously, that to make money is evil- you will always struggle and always find a way not to thrive and to barely eek out an existence.
And if you’re barely eking out an existence you don’t have the opportunity to contribute what you set out to contribute. You can’t change people’s health and lives. To say nothing of the fact that you don’t get to do the work you love, and have signed up for a boatload of suffering.
From where I’m sitting- with my mission to make holistic healthcare much more widely utilized by everyone (yes, everyone)- I’m hugely hoping that most or many of us can decide to lay down the healing martyr thing. Without letting go of that myth, we, and all the gifts our work has to offer, stay in the periphery. I dig the periphery as much as the next slightly off center gal, but the periphery means that many, many people are missing out.
So how to embrace making money if you’ve decided that it truly is the root of all evil? Let’s put things in perspective. Money is really - drumroll, please - just a means of exchange. That’s all. Having money means you get to exchange it for whatever you want, and you don’t have to fret about not being able to do that. If you suddenly happen to come upon five million dollars, the devil isn’t going to intervene and make you exchange that money for a yacht and servants that you will use as footstools (unless that’s what you’re into).
Since you’re a wellness provider, I’m going to assume that the “yacht with servants as footstools” setup is not for you. So imagine, if you did happen to receive five million dollars, what would you do with it? Create a meaningful non-profit? Buy a house outright in order to give yourself and your children a secure financial future? Travel the world and learn new languages? Set up a free integrative medicine clinic?
For a less outlandish fantasy, what would you do and how would you feel if you never had to worry about making enough money in your practice? What if every work day you could serve exactly who you want to serve and at the end of the month you could gleefully pay your bills and then stash the rest into savings? Are you taking a breath of relief yet?
You never lose control of what money gets exchanged for in your life. More money only means more ability to contribute, both to yourself and to the world.
November 13th, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Great post, Brooke!
I think the healing martyr myth comes from the observation that the desire to make money in one’s practice can very quickly override the concern for the well-being of the clients or results in sub-myths that practitioners end up using in their marketing materials to build their revenue streams (e.g. “You need to see me once a week forever if you want to be healthy” or “if you really care about your health, you’ll come see me twice a week”).
How many private CAM practitioners out there have you come across who are chiefly interested in getting clients to come back over and over again? How many are interested in that because of the health of the client and how many for the health of the business? They can certainly be blended, but I think the temptation to abuse the clients’ trust (and the fact that there are many practitioners out there doing this) makes people antsy about actually making money in their practices.
November 14th, 2009 at 4:24 am
There’s a lot of wisdom in this post.
My Chi Kung and Kung Fu master teaches this: the cost of a course is as much for the student as the master. By investing in themselves, a student is much more likely to appreciate what they have been given. I’ve seen it myself: that which is given away is often thrown away.
The mind is so critical in healing. If you underprice your service, you undervalue your service to your client. And somewhere there may even be a scientific study to prove that gratitude and valuing a service increases healing potential. We don’t need such a study, because we know it’s true.
Further, when you value your service and yourself, you set an example.
Do good work. Charge appropriately. If there’s a surplus in your bank account, give it away wisely.
November 17th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
@ Zach- I think “Do good work. Charge appropriately. If there’s a surplus in your bank account, give it away wisely.” is a beautiful encapsulation of what I was going for.
@ Matt- Thanks for the great comment. I think a lot of this comes down to a scarcity mentality thing- which can be especially vivid in this economy. When people believe that they won’t have enough, they start dabbling in that “you need to see me twice a week” place. I feel like the more we can open ourselves to the idea that there’s plenty of work out there for all of us (and I’m not discounting that it can be challenging to embrace this, I’ve had to face the scarcity fear thing plenty) the more we thrive. And I have to be honest (maybe I’m an optimist), I find in the CAM world there aren’t as many people who override their desire to help clients with their desire to make a buck. There are many, many easier ways to make a buck- but not many that are as fulfilling and purpose driven.
May 23rd, 2010 at 3:06 pm
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